Summer Dream

I am stuck in the summer funk. I love school and the freedom i have their. i also talk to friends who hate their jobs. i say to them i wish i had a job. i have been doing application and writing my name and address about 50 times. if i don't know my name and address by now i must be slow. i have worked on finding a job and with my parents behind me telling me "go find a job." it is not needed because i know i need one or i will be in a bind when i get back to school. i am a hard worker and get things done, i don't give up, and push throw things when it is hard. all these employers say to me is "do you have experience?" i say "no, but ...(depending what it is i add something there)" they look like ohhh, she not going to work, "X" her off the list. then they say "well we hire people with more experience" i'm like "okay well i understand." i leave there disappionted in myself, that i didn't say that thing or this thing, and on the verge of tears. i am tired and how the BLANK (starts with "F")am i going to get a BLANKing job when NO ONE WILL GIVE ME A CHANCE. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....beep, beep, beep. okay i am alright i just want someone to give me a job, anything. i have a interview tomorrow that hopefully i will do well on. i don't think i have been this depressed in years. i sit on the stairs, lay in bed, and don't move very often thinking about things. for example, not wanting to get up, not moving, leaving(somewhere not on the earth) but then i think about how much pain that would cause and how afraid i am of not waking up in the morning and making people scared so instead i just cry.

Congradulations to my best friend(she is a mommy now). i am the god-mother or Aunt katie. LilleeAnn Starr was born on June 24 at 10:17 by a c-section weighing in at 8lbs 2ounces. She is a beautiful, healthy, ten fingered, and ten toed baby.

well i have to go and do something.