Postsecret / Knee issues

Postsecret Book Signing
Okay so I have wanted to post this for awhile, but I couldn't because my friend was getting a gift from the signing. It has been quite a number of years that I have read postsecret.com every Sunday for secrets. It was an art project that one man, Frank Warren, started. He passed out 100 to 150 blank postcards with his address on it. He want anonymous secrets that were anything from any range of emotions. He than put them together into an exhibit still on display. He didn't know it then, but the project had a life of its own and it spread. He was done with the exhibit at the museum so he used new media, the internet, to share the secrets every week. He scans in about 20 of them out of the 1,000 he gets a week. Frank said at the book signing that he wants to get a range of emotion in each posting and that he wants to connect it in some way.

I like to read other people secrets, I guess that is the voyeurism in me. Sometimes I find something I relate to, other times I feel like nothing speaks to me. I felt awkward getting my book signed and my dad got my friend's signed. My dad said I could get a picture with him, but that weird'ed me out. I am not that type of person who needed a picture or anything. It was nice to just hear his stories of how he started, some secrets, and an a overall experience of it all. I knew my friend would be thrilled about the book. I didn't mention it to her so I didn't have to lied to her about it all.

I planned out in my head that I would also put post-its in the book of secrets, stories, and comments on things. I also got my mom involved in putting post-its in it (it was her present to my friend). It turned out to be an excellent present. She is slowly devouring a few postsecrets every day to extend out the book.


My Knee Issues--more like doctor issues
Okay lets do the math---insurance with high deductible = out of pocket

$180---Doctor Appt. 1st- meet doctor, had 4 x-rays done
$130---Active Release Techniques(ART-definition below in blue) Therapy doctor- meeting 1- meet him, messaged my knee, sent me to another person to do exercises
$80---ART Therapy doctor- meeting 2- messaged knee, sent me to another person to do exercises
$80---ART Therapy doctor- meeting 3- messaged knee, sent me to another person to do exercises
$130---Physical Therapy doctor- meeting 1-meet her, checked out legs walking and flexiblity, show some streches that I could do
$80---Physical Therapy doctor- meeting 2- did strectches, massaged calfs, did more stretching
$80---Physical Therapy doctor- meeting 3---$80(meeting Thursday)
$5(one time charge)---Electrodes pads- used to send small electric charges into the hurt area

In the past 2 weeks, I have spent $765.00 out of pocket on doctors. Not very happy about it. I have been trying to save and this is just sucking it all out. My knee is still the same (some days it hurts, some days no problems). I have had trouble convincing myself to go to both doctors, 3 appt. is $240, which is a chuck of change. I am also going with my gut instinct and going to go to my Physical therapist more often than my ART Therapy doctor for right now.

Also, in all this fun of spending money, I was told by my physical therapist that I was in the wrong running and walking shoes. So I had to purchase shoes that better fit my feet. I also don't have the best socks, too, so that was also added on top of getting new shoes. I think it came out to be roughly $100(not bad I was thinking about $150-$200). I will be wearing my new shoes tomorrow (wed.) to work, hopefully it goes well. I am hoping for the best.

What is Active Release Techniques (ART) to Patients?

ART is a patented, state of the art soft tissue system/movement based massage technique that treats problems with muscles, tendons, ligaments, fascia and nerves.

Knee Pain

Since December 5th I have had pain in my knee. I ran/walked 7 miles one day, then 8 miles the next. I took two days off, one day I was sore on my thighs, then my knee started hurting the next day. It has been hurting ever since. It ranges in pain from 'please cut off my knee' to 'why does it not hurt now? *confusion*' Finally after 11 or so days I decided it was time to go to a doctor no matter the cost. I needed to get it checked out. Yesterday I went to the doctor, they took 4 x-rays and checked out all my muscles. The doctor stated that I have runner's knee. I now have to go to a physical therapist to strengthen my inner quad muscle, pictured below. (note: not my knee- it is a female bodybuilders knee- nor will I be making my muscles that big)

Hopefully with the physical therapist the pain will get better. Unfortunately, I have to take my run/walking easily or not at all. I have to try to stay away from going downhill until this is better, unfortunately I live in a area that has hills. I think it is better if I take time off from my run/walking because even walking a short distance I have pain in my knee. Generally, this is just a frustrating time. I think after the physical therapist I might join a month to month gym membership or YMCA. I don't know yet, but I need more strength training in my routine.

I know, I blog about my weight a lot...but

I was bored and thought, why don't I look back at all my photos and see how my weight loss has changed. I started with the beginning of college years, but my weight has been a problem since I hit puberty at age 12 or 13.

The first picture was freshman year Halloween, I hadn't gotten my make-up and hair done. I went as an electrocuted doctor. I didn't like how I looked, but I dealt with it. I picked this costume because it was something that would fit me, it was comfortable, and I hadn't figured out at the time, but I guess Halloween for older people isn't about crazy or scary it is more about being sexy. I didn't feel sexy at that moment.

The second picture is a year later during Halloween, 2004/5. Yes, I actually went out in that and No, I didn't smoke the cigar. It was real, but was never lite. I tried to be more sexy, but not slutty. At this point in my life I was big into drinking on the weekends. I never went to parties, but I liked to drink with my friends even though I wasn't 21 at the time. By the end of the year, I still drank, but I wasn't so much into it anymore. I figured there was more to life than that.

The third picture was taken in 2006 when Kim visited me in Texas. I remember trying to figure out things to do. I played a trip to schlitterbahn (a water park) and then we did a spur of the moment trip to Corpus Christi on the coast. I remember trying to find something I would be comfortable in while at the water park and then the beach. I didn't want my picture taken all that much. I would even try to open my mouth a little and put my tongue at the top of my mouth so I wouldn't have a double chin. I would turn to the side so I wouldn't be as wide in the picture as I was. The tricks I did long before this picture was taken and after it.



The next three picture are below. The fourth picture or first in this set was taken in 2007, 2 to 3 weeks before I started weight watchers. I had finally come to the end of my rope with my weight. I needed a change. I couldn't run backwards up the slide with my niece (best friend's daughter). I couldn't fit into any clothes (I was a size 16/18). I couldn't sleep well at night (I had problems with my hips). Overall I was tired of being tired with myself and how I looked. So I decided to change and only I could do that for me.

The next one was taken in 2008. I remember and still do this to the day. I look back at old photos and I wonder how I could have lived that way. It is easy to gain the weight, it is harder to figure out why you did gain the weight. I figure out some of why I gained, but it is personal. I still have much more work to do at this point. I haven't figured out that I am not that 190 person anymore. The body image in my head is so different from what I see in the mirror. At this point, I was a size (12/14). I stayed at this weight for about a year to a year and a half.

Then is the most recent photo of me that I have, it was of course taken in 2009. I decided I wasn't happy anymore at the weight I was in for about a year to year and a half. So I went back on weight watchers(not to the meetings, just on my own). I lost the weight, but then I gained it back. I finally admitted to my self that I need the meeting and the support system. Also, be accountable for every week weighing in during the good, bad, and ugly times.



I have struggle with food during emotional times, times of gathering with family, stress, boredom. I don't have the button in my head that says, 'That's enough, your full.' I only have that when I am stuffed. I am fully committed to this until the 3rd week in February (my half marathon is February 14th---there is also one on January 24th too). I am hoping for a few more pounds. I have a goal and I am hoping I can get myself back on track and kick butt. I did this past week after the Thanksgiving holiday/ funeral/ eating out binge morning, noon, and night.

I am still training for my running class. I have had some set backs with the side of my hip hurting and pain in my knee cap. My hip isn't bothering me anymore, but this knee thing is a killer. I am on the mend, but taking it easy. I am hopeful to run/walk 10 miles on Saturday, but I am not going to push it. I don't want any of my injuries to be chronic.

I apologize for another blog about my weight, but I like to see how far I have come. It makes me want to keep doing what I am doing. I don't want to go back to being that girl. I wasn't happy and I am trying to be happy now in this moment. I want to keep being who I am and improving myself either with the weight or with other stuff in my life.

p.s. Also changed my background again, the black was to overwhelming. Enjoy.