I was thinking that there was a sense that vacation is lost since childhood. they now feel like i have to put effort into them, also plan and pay all the time. now it would be better if it was cheaper and seemingly child like atmosphere. i am not saying that me being on vacation right now is a bad thing, it is really fun to see how my brother justin lives. i am just saying that vacation doesn't seem free'er than it was as a child and all i think about is what i have to drive home on friday or saturday. it will be a long trip... i am right now in chapel hill, NC and live for the summer in austin, TX that is about three or four states i have to drive across.
my trip up here to this state was nice because i started at 8 pm at night. it was quiet and a moments time to think about life and things that are going on and how life is and if i want to change my life in some way. also there wasn't a lot of cars on the road so it gave me space of darkness and me being a lone driver in the universe or great wide open. the nice part was as i was driving there were moments my brother who was sleeping would make a deep breathing noise and then quiet down. it just seemed amusing when i was on about 40 ounces of mountain dew, two donuts, and driving in the dead of night. it gave me a comfort of family and a sense of i belong. as i was heading through texas, of course, then louisana, mississppi, alabama finally finishing after brimingham, AL. by the end of driving it was 8 am and i was exahausted to the end of my finger tips. my whole body was drained of movement. so we went to mcdonalds. as we, my brother matthew and i, sat there i had nothing to say because i was so tired and wasn't function correctly. my brother took over the driving for the next 12 hours in which i sleeped on and off for good lengths of time.
i was thinking i do most of my thinking in the car and that is probably why i love being in the car for long trips.
i don't know why i am in a bummed mood. my brothers are cool and are asking of what i want to do and including me on many thing but i have no desire to do anything right now. i go in these moods a lot but have no idea why i feel this way. or what goes on in my head somethimes or why in these moods i get very quickly irrated with stuff that usually i will blow of my shoulder with no problem.
i know these are scattered thoughs but i have no other thing to do right now except go to sleep or read a book which right now i don't want to do. so i decided to type and just go for what comes up in my head and just type until i just feel like i have nothing else in my brain or i get tired.
right know i am just thinking about what i am going to do before friday-saturday time.
ohhh do you know what really reaks is that i have tried to find a job since i got home to ausitn and i guess i have bad karma. but a job offer came through the day after i arrived on vacation. i think that ruined the time i have because i feel i could be working and earning money but am spending savings and just wasting needed money that i need for college when i start in september. grrrr. it is sooo frustrating thing that if i could do the phone call over that i recieved from my mom to tell me this news is; to not tell me at all. well i can't go back in time.
the plans right now is justin is going to work tomorrow and matthew and i are going to visit him and eat lunch with him. maybe watch a movie at the movie theater and then if matthew doesn't want to go but i am going to drive around chapel hill or carrsboro, NC to see what is here or maybe park and walk around. i like this campus here because it reminds me of my university. i can't wait to ge back and see my friends and have the thing i am use to having. it is a weird transitions you have to face while in college because you are growing to be an adult and be dependent on yourself but during the early part for me i go home on vaction time like christmas (for 6 weeks) and summer (for 3 months). those long periods of time i feel like i am to young to do somethings and not old enough for others. hopefully i will be able to shed some of that as i grow and age a little bit. well i am getting tired and needing to go to bed. maybe i will have some plans tomorrow. nite.
1 comment:
hi katie,
if you're bored in chapel hill, also try: playing frisbee on the quad, getting a smoothie and people-watching from a bench on franklin street, journaling in a coffee shop (Strongs, Caribou or Starbucks), reading by Bynum fountain with your feet in the water, walking through Ackland Art Museum, shopping, getting lunch at Top of the Hill, looking for a good show at Cat's Cradle, walking at Umstead Park, driving out to Maple View Farms or Fearrington Village, breakfast at Elmo's, Sunday brunch at Weaver Street, coffee at Cafe Driade... these are things I miss!
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