change in me

So over break, I got an understanding of myself. The truth I really don't like myself, I am not obese but I am pudgy. I am the "fat friend" if you haven't heard that term it is when a boy what to go out with a girl but you have to be friends with the "fat friend" to even get close to the girl you want. Now you might think this is harsh to read but for me it is true in some aspects. Everyone I know has had a boyfriend but I haven't...and the cheesy line that comes after that is "the first boy you will meet you will marry, Katie" *roll of eyes* you didn't stay with the first guy you meet...anyways.

I wanted to make a change for me. I want to like myself and I want people to see me as I see myself. So recently I have change things in my life. I have tried to eat healthy and eat correct portions. I also am starting to exercise. I have a goal in mind in April time frame...to run/walk a half marathon. Now I have hear don't reach to high because you might get disappointed but the truth is I am disappoint in how people see me. I am the friend, sister, daughter you call on if you need to talk, go to movies, anything that is sit down and nothing adventure. The thing that hurts me the most was a thing during my winter break. My brother was trying to get into Austin but was having difficulties so he couldn't make it in until the next day (Christmas Eve). Which my dad and he planned to go run on a trail early that morning. So I thought I will be a nice daughter will wake my big butt up at 6am (which I originally was getting up at 10 or 11) to go with my dad so he didn't have to go alone. I wanted to surprise him but in the end got hurt. I think it stills hurts now but I wanted a change to be asked to go on a hike with or running with and not the couch potato I have been up to now. I want to make a change and so I am....last week on Tuesday I rollerbladed to Wal-Mart and back roughly four miles-ish (not able to measure). I have also tried taking the stairs more (5 flights of stairs). Today I did something out of the ordinary. It was sprinkling out and I couldn't concentrate on homework so I decided to go for a jog/walk. I didn't want to rollerblade because it was wet out and still raining. So I got on my gear(dance pant, shorts, thermal top, t-shirt, mp3 player, sneakers, and socks) and headed out. I ran/walked from my apartment to middle of Wal-Marts parking lot. I ran/jogged sections and walk most sections but I did it in 2 hours-ish. I felt like I did something good for myself. My goal is to run half or quarter of the way and walk the others sections, someday. What keeps me motivated is the saying "I don't want to be a couch potato anymore" I also am motivated by the show "the biggest loser." I love the theme song.

“I look into the window of my mind
The reflections of the fears I know I have left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can’t stop me now
And you can do the same, yeah
What have to do today to make you feel proud
It is never to late to try
What have to done today to make you feel proud, mmmmm
You could be so many people
If you make that grasp for freedom
What have to done today to make you feel proud

Music

Still so many answers I don’t know
(there are so many answers)
Realize that to question is how we grow
(to question is to grow)
So I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can’t stop me now
You can do the same, yeah
What have you done today to make you feel proud
It is never to late to try
What have you done today to make you feel proud, mmmm
You could be so many people
If you make that break for freedom
What have you done today to make you feel proud, yeah
We need a change, yeah
Do it today, yeah
I can feel my spirit rising
Change, yeah
We need a change, yeah
Do it today, yeah
Cause I can see your tempature rising
(What have you done today to make you feel proud)
To make you feel proud, let me hear ya, let me hear ya, let me hear ya
So what have you done today to make you feel proud, yeah, yeah, yeah
Because you can be so many people
If you make that break from freedom
what have you done today to make you feel proud
what have you done today to make you feel proud, yeah let my hear ya
what have you done today
what have you done today
what have you done today to make you feel proud, ooohh yeah
you could be so many people
just make that break for freedom
so what have you done today to make you feel proud”