long time no write

well as you seen i haven't been writing and i was pointed out by my dad a couple of times but i had nothing important to write about. also i was exhausted from working 12 hour days and stressing about computer issue (the people who had to hear about know what happened). well this is the news so far. i am home or second home or a place i just love to be...ohio university. it is so nice and peaceful and just the way i pictured it from the last way i left it. i love to enjoy the atmosphere and the people are so nice. i miss my family though but i will see them in no time flat. i also finish a month of work that was a great bonus to my account and much needed because i was down to 34 dollars before. i have been writing checks and spendng money out the waz-zoo this and last week but the money is being spent in things that hopefully (knock on wood) will last me a couple of years. i bought parts of my brother computer and i bought a system (the big box that sit on the floor), some foam for my bed and the other things like food. i move in tomorrow between 10 and 12 unfortunately my stuff in the storage unit has to stay there until thursday because i don't have a truck to transport it and my friend who drove me won't have a car (long story). anyways i am walking and enjoying the scenery of athens. it id fall weather and smells like dried leaves...which is a awesome smell (also freshly cut grass smells good too). well i am trying to get things done before i am forced to get of the computer because my time is running out. i am at a library because my grandmother doesn't own a computer. well hopefully i can write more frequently but the next four day i am busy 8 to 5 as of right now. bye

la ti da

so after my last blog i got to thinking. but this is what i did instead: went to washington for a day trip, hanged out with my brother justin and his girlfriend jane, visited around chapel hill, watched movies, ate dinner, and enjoyed to relaxing trip.

now....

i am home about 5 or 7 days i got a call about a.....job. wooo-hooo. yes me as a working woman(as my dad would say). i am working wooo-hooo. i was nervous at first and now i am exhausted and feel like life is sucked out of me....before you say anything, i have some facts to share.....first i work from 5oo AM to 530 PM. yes that is a 12 hour shift. i work friday, saturday, sunday, and mondays is over time. i work really hard on organizing packets of cds, booklets, cords, mouse pads, from return computers from Dell. i work in the heat with fans going that don't get to far down in the eighteen wheelers. with that i feel like i am going to die by it. i have cuts and scraps, my feet hurt and i am really tired. i get paid 9.90 which is more than what i got before i worked which was na-da, nothing, niche, zilch, zero. where i work is called the teardown area at Dell manufacturing company. well i am going to relax because i am working overtime tomorrow. nite y'all

Vacation...though it doesn't feel like vacation

I was thinking that there was a sense that vacation is lost since childhood. they now feel like i have to put effort into them, also plan and pay all the time. now it would be better if it was cheaper and seemingly child like atmosphere. i am not saying that me being on vacation right now is a bad thing, it is really fun to see how my brother justin lives. i am just saying that vacation doesn't seem free'er than it was as a child and all i think about is what i have to drive home on friday or saturday. it will be a long trip... i am right now in chapel hill, NC and live for the summer in austin, TX that is about three or four states i have to drive across.

my trip up here to this state was nice because i started at 8 pm at night. it was quiet and a moments time to think about life and things that are going on and how life is and if i want to change my life in some way. also there wasn't a lot of cars on the road so it gave me space of darkness and me being a lone driver in the universe or great wide open. the nice part was as i was driving there were moments my brother who was sleeping would make a deep breathing noise and then quiet down. it just seemed amusing when i was on about 40 ounces of mountain dew, two donuts, and driving in the dead of night. it gave me a comfort of family and a sense of i belong. as i was heading through texas, of course, then louisana, mississppi, alabama finally finishing after brimingham, AL. by the end of driving it was 8 am and i was exahausted to the end of my finger tips. my whole body was drained of movement. so we went to mcdonalds. as we, my brother matthew and i, sat there i had nothing to say because i was so tired and wasn't function correctly. my brother took over the driving for the next 12 hours in which i sleeped on and off for good lengths of time.

i was thinking i do most of my thinking in the car and that is probably why i love being in the car for long trips.

i don't know why i am in a bummed mood. my brothers are cool and are asking of what i want to do and including me on many thing but i have no desire to do anything right now. i go in these moods a lot but have no idea why i feel this way. or what goes on in my head somethimes or why in these moods i get very quickly irrated with stuff that usually i will blow of my shoulder with no problem.

i know these are scattered thoughs but i have no other thing to do right now except go to sleep or read a book which right now i don't want to do. so i decided to type and just go for what comes up in my head and just type until i just feel like i have nothing else in my brain or i get tired.

right know i am just thinking about what i am going to do before friday-saturday time.

ohhh do you know what really reaks is that i have tried to find a job since i got home to ausitn and i guess i have bad karma. but a job offer came through the day after i arrived on vacation. i think that ruined the time i have because i feel i could be working and earning money but am spending savings and just wasting needed money that i need for college when i start in september. grrrr. it is sooo frustrating thing that if i could do the phone call over that i recieved from my mom to tell me this news is; to not tell me at all. well i can't go back in time.

the plans right now is justin is going to work tomorrow and matthew and i are going to visit him and eat lunch with him. maybe watch a movie at the movie theater and then if matthew doesn't want to go but i am going to drive around chapel hill or carrsboro, NC to see what is here or maybe park and walk around. i like this campus here because it reminds me of my university. i can't wait to ge back and see my friends and have the thing i am use to having. it is a weird transitions you have to face while in college because you are growing to be an adult and be dependent on yourself but during the early part for me i go home on vaction time like christmas (for 6 weeks) and summer (for 3 months). those long periods of time i feel like i am to young to do somethings and not old enough for others. hopefully i will be able to shed some of that as i grow and age a little bit. well i am getting tired and needing to go to bed. maybe i will have some plans tomorrow. nite.

things I forgot to tell...

well I realized that I forgot to tell something that happen in my life...

first on June 24 I became a god mother to LilleeAnn Starr Lawrence who weigh in at 8lbs 2onuces. it took me about 2 weeks to whole her but now I am attached at the hip with her. I feed and hang out with her when I can. her mom is my best friend who I have known for 10 years now. I don't have any pictures I can put up on the computer so everyone can see.
second I am leaving with my brother Matthew to visit my brother justin in north carolina. this is a needed break for Matthew and I to just relax for awhile. we will be gone until the end of the month. hopefully everything will go great and smoothly.
third I haven't found a job yet so I am quite disappointed but what could I have done. I tried all the place I could and I did do interviews but it just didn't happen. but I just received a letter from the university that if I would like I can help move in new freshmen people into the dorms. it pays good for just working three days and for hard labor of moving boxes. then I might have a winter job at godiva (I have six weeks off - I am off from thanksgiving to a little after new years). hopefully they will have a spot for me.
 
I think that is all I forgot to tell people. I won't be writing for a couple of days because I will be on my trip. Bye

*blank*

I don't know what to call this blog but i am sorry i haven't written in awhile. i have tried to find a job, still unsuccessful. there are still some option that i am going to try today: one is temp agency that zach(next door neighbor) went to, and also i got a phone call yesterday night from kristy telling me there is a job fair at randalls and if i go early there is a good chance i will get hired on the stop. hopefully i can tell you all more tonight after this day. other than that i have no plans and just really want to go visit my brother justin in north carolina. hopefully that can happen really soon. but if i get a job it won't happen and/or not as long as i want it. i have to go the temp agency now to wait and wait some more and then fill out an application hopefully they will have something for me. byebye until later tonight or tomorrow.

Interview

i had a great interview though it might not be promising for the summer it is for the winter break i have at school (which is 6 weeks). this interviewer was very nice and made me feel at ease. hopefully i will get something...i still have to go and get more applications because i still have time left to work (only two months) but i need the money for spending things at college.

i have to go mow the lawn, send a card, and clean maybe, and pick up my mom at the airport at 1135pm at night. bye.

Remembering Sept. 11th

My brother Justin and Matthew have written (in there blog) what they will forever remember of september 11th. this is what i will remember:

I was a junior in high school. i got there early and waited in a huge crowd before going to my locker. as we were all stuffed together a old friend of mine comes and says "someone hit the world trade center." i didn't know at the time what the world trade center looked like(even though i lived in the state of new york for nine years). so i went to class wondering what he meant. my math teacher mr.morgan said something about it but went on to do what he normally did which was teach us. the next period was spanish with mrs.vinyard. she explain what had happened though i don't remember it we listen to the radio about what was happening. Close to the end of that period the pricipal mr.nelson came over the intercom and said "no one is allowed off campus for lunch today. (then something something something)" as i walked to my next class it was close to 1130(central time). i walked into my speech class knowing what was happening but then seeing it on television over and over again. i was on the verge of tears. the pain in peoples faces running away in terror, the shock on all our faces and not believing this was happening. it looked like a movie but it replayed and that second plane turning directly into the building knowing that was its destination was a horror. the plane with so much force smashed through the other side of the building. the flames and smoke riseing forever. the next memory i have is the crashing of the buildings. man, that was hard to take in. the dust that lay for miles around, the smoke, people screaming, the massive pile of the building, firefighters raising that flag, picture of people that are lost that covers walls and walls. though i was in texas i felt the horror just like the rest of my classmates and even the world.

now i fear for a new friend of mine...harley(my best friend, kendra's husband)
after seeing the movie 'Fahrenheit 9/11' i see the horror he goes through as a solider. he now is a father of a 6 day old and he leaves again july 9 or so for another six months. the pictures of soliders dead on the ground, wounded, and burned and beaten. worries me that he won't come back after the six months. also president bush may continue to keep soliders in for 1 or 2 more. more people are dying for what cause, what is the reason we are over there for. if we are hated so much why do we put more men and women over there.

i am proud to be a texan. though i don't want bush back in the state nor do i want him to be the president. he has done some shady things, never answered the peoples questions, wanting to strict equal opportunities for gays...geezs...bush has got to go in november election, i will take anything other than bush. i rather take bugs bunny or porky pig for goodness sake. people need to vote and let their voices be heard loud and clear. sign-up now before it is to late. don't think you won't be heard because you are just one person it can make or break a election. VOTE at http://www.mtv.com/chooseorlose/pre_lection/

Jobs applied to...

1wendy's no interview
2charlotte Russe no interview
3godiva interview tomorrow
4limited too no interview
5rave girl no interview
6gadzoks no interview
7forever 21 no interview
8salvation army no interview
9el tias no interview
10cici's pizza turn in today
11daycare near hospital turn in today but other people have more experience
12walgreens(online)turn in today
13baby A's interviewed no experience declined
14taco bell no interview
15pizza hut turn in today
16discount cinema turn in today
17johnny carinos no interview
18thrift store near mom's work interviewed but never called
19subway(online) turn in today
20dillards(online) turn in today
21foleys(online) turn in today
22office depot(online) turn in today
23best buy(online) turn in today
24HEB(grocery store) turn in today

i have to turn in micheals, and beadz, walmart, jcpennys... and anymore i can pick up.

p.s. ok not 50 but it feels like fifty, i might get up there if no one will take a chance on me.

Summer Dream

I am stuck in the summer funk. I love school and the freedom i have their. i also talk to friends who hate their jobs. i say to them i wish i had a job. i have been doing application and writing my name and address about 50 times. if i don't know my name and address by now i must be slow. i have worked on finding a job and with my parents behind me telling me "go find a job." it is not needed because i know i need one or i will be in a bind when i get back to school. i am a hard worker and get things done, i don't give up, and push throw things when it is hard. all these employers say to me is "do you have experience?" i say "no, but ...(depending what it is i add something there)" they look like ohhh, she not going to work, "X" her off the list. then they say "well we hire people with more experience" i'm like "okay well i understand." i leave there disappionted in myself, that i didn't say that thing or this thing, and on the verge of tears. i am tired and how the BLANK (starts with "F")am i going to get a BLANKing job when NO ONE WILL GIVE ME A CHANCE. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....beep, beep, beep. okay i am alright i just want someone to give me a job, anything. i have a interview tomorrow that hopefully i will do well on. i don't think i have been this depressed in years. i sit on the stairs, lay in bed, and don't move very often thinking about things. for example, not wanting to get up, not moving, leaving(somewhere not on the earth) but then i think about how much pain that would cause and how afraid i am of not waking up in the morning and making people scared so instead i just cry.

Congradulations to my best friend(she is a mommy now). i am the god-mother or Aunt katie. LilleeAnn Starr was born on June 24 at 10:17 by a c-section weighing in at 8lbs 2ounces. She is a beautiful, healthy, ten fingered, and ten toed baby.

well i have to go and do something.