Unpaid Internship

A few weeks back I e-mailed the Dairy Barn (non-profit art gallery actually in an old dairy barn) here in town. I asked if there were any job available or volunteer option. Then proceeded to tell how I am graduating soon and wanted to gain experience. I was also willing to get down and dirty, not those exact terms, but still the same meaning. I received an email from the a lady there and wanted to meet with me. It was right before finals (the time I got the flu). I explained that things were coming to an end and after a certain day I was free to meet with her. As days passed, I finally slowly got better, but decided to visit my grandmother for a few days during the University's Spring Break. I email her afterwards and said I could meet on Monday 31st. I did and then on Wednesday I started. They have plenty of things to do this time of year. In the end of my three months I will have helped with putting up four shows. I will also get an overall encompass of what the Dairy Barn does. I would like a paid job, but the experience I will receive I will get a job in some type of the museum field. All museums are different in different ways. So in my searching I will have to figure out which museum I would like to work at or if I want to work at a museum.

All the people are nice. There are five main people that do everything dealing with the items and scheduling things in the Dairy Barn. Then there is one guy who is maintenance. Then everything else is covered by volunteers, but none of them I see(they only work when needed).

The shows I have done slight help is the Film Festival Posters(between c.1975-c.1985) and Bead International and Beyond Basketry(scroll down to the bottom to see a few pictures from 2006). Below is my favorite from 2004--"Summer in Fargo"

Being Truthful...there's no point to the blog

For a long time I haven't been confident about myself. I think it started in middle school to about a year ago. I think my weight played a big part in the unhappiness/insecurities I was feeling. I have hated my body since I started my period when I was in middle school. That is when I packed on the most weight. Because of that I have always walked with my head towards the ground. I don't know why, I just always felt inadequate to everyone else. I still feel that way. People are so much smarter than me. People are prettier than me. People have experienced more than me and so on. I tried to figure out why I put on the weight, but the only thing I could come up with was a protective barrier for me. I don't like attention and the weight was my way of shielding attention from boys, friends, family, and activities(sports, shopping). I liked melting into the wall.

Then about a year ago, I lost 30 pounds in three months. I have keep most of my weight off. Unfortunately, I am still not happy/confident with how I look. Now any normal person would say go back to weight watchers(it is the place I lost the weight) and start the process again. The problem is, I wasn't happy/confident with my weight and I am not happy/confident without the weight. So I need to figure out what will make me happy/confident. I know I might be concerning my family(the only people reading this blog), but I am fine. I am content with life, but I feel like I am not living. I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines as everyone goes and does the things that make them happy. My question is, when will it be my turn? The one problem is not knowing how to start because I still feel that people are smarter than me, prettier than me, and have more experience than me.

I can say that I am slowly taking steps to something(who knows what it is). I went shopping today and I could find clothes in my size and that actually fit. I always hated shopping because when my friends would shop they would have plenty to try on and I would have 3 or 4 items and maybe one would actually fit. It just became a duty rather than some fun with friends. I would try to avoid it, but if my friends would want to go then I would be the person who told them how it looked(even if it was hard to hear). I actually enjoyed shopping today and wanted to buy a dress. I opted to skip it until I had a job or got the approval from kim[and maybe my mom:) ] Also, I have slowly raised my head when I walk, but not all the time. I think that I have acted a certain way for so long that those behaviors are an automatically the first ones I go to.

I don't know why I am typing this, but I was complied to be honest with myself and others. It could because of PostSecret where you anonymously reveal a secret on a postcard(updated every Sunday with new secrets). I thought to myself, well do I have a secret. It took some time, but I figure out a few here is one of mine:

I feel if I don't break away from my comfort zone, I never will.

I wish I had the guts to jump out of a plane.

I have others, but I don't feel like sharing those. Some people on that website write in and say that they feel free from their secret now that they shared it. Maybe because I haven't posted this blog, but I don't feel free it is more like---people are going to be concerned for me or that I have finally lost my mind or maybe tell their secret. hmm?

where i live

here is the house and where i park(the little roof you see)


the house


where i park


the view kim will love in spring


a video of my road to the house---is here

last pictures of ceramics...enjoy

ohh wow, that is a really nice place setting, but I don't want any food...okay....


well first put the bowl on top of the pitcher...


then add the plate...there you go...


add the cup....only a few more steps to go....


then add the salt and pepper shakers....


and finally add the silverware and napkin into the cup...


and what do we have....my functional toy project...it is a lady wearing a hat(just stating the obvious- well hopefully it is obvious)


here is the result of the penguin pitcher-i wish the white would have been thicker


here is the plain pitcher


here is my teapot


this is the inside of the teapot...the four dashes on the rim are for the teabag string


finally this is the elephant


ohh...just so you know, when i looked out my window(where i am staying now) there were deer...yep deer...

I am done with undergraduate classes, that means I am done with college. I might do a masters later in life, but right now I have to figure out what I want.

With dealing with the pressures of school and classes, the pass two days have made me very homesick. I tried to figure a way home, but money is too tight right now. Also, I have tried to rationalizes about why I am homesick. The release from the pressure of school, no one around to hang out with, a big change happened? Or I might really need to go home and the external things are not a factor. It makes me sad to think about, so on the up side I am here enjoying the quiet of the campus.

Other than that, my blogs might not be as regular as they once were, if they ever were regular. Where I am living now, the access to internet will be a little touch and go depending on the situation. I will still have internet when I come on campus, which I will be doing often.

1,264 miles away from home
$160-200 for gas all the way home(one-way)
OR
$220.19 a plane ticket home

no enough in my bank account for it.... :/

pros....
see my family
see best friend and niece
(if driving)- bring stuff home
be home for a little while...anyways

cons.....
2 days of driving(one-way)
money(too little)
paid rent for the end of march

What should I do????
---remember if you put a comment I might not see it right away

Picture of cups

(R-L)= mom, dad, kim, kim's mom, matthew, justin, beth, stephanie



mom's cup



dad's cup



Matthew and Beth cups



Justin and Stephanie cups



Kim and Kim's moms cups- rooster is one the yellow cup

Broomball DONE :(

Here are some images to enjoy...
here is me doing self-timer...that it the whole hockey rink behind me(we didn't play today---not a lot of people) i am still sick, but much better


here kim by herself (she likes making interesting pictures)---only one you can click and make bigger


here she is caught acting normal (whatever that is---kim normal)


here is us in front of a hockey goal(we played with these when we were learning and when we didn't have a lot of people, but the normal goals are like soccer goals size with square flat backs)


here is us and our coach...he was a great prof. and we had a ball in this class


this is a close up shot of kim and i in our helmets. it is kind of blurry. i wish i had known so i could have taken a non-blurry one.


i waited four years to do this class and it was nice to have kim with me on my last quarter doing it. It was a time for us to be together and de-stress from life. It was fun.

I made a circle...

Ok I am happy, yesterday I received the news that my full legal name, KESW, will be on my diploma and commencement program. What made it a circle was I informed the Vice President and Provost(same person), KK, and a friend of my grandmother's, D. D said that it was the provost job over the situation and KK said she would look into it. I talked with the supervisor of Chubb and so did my mom, her name is BW. She helped my mom and me as much as she could. She talked with her bosses and they except that my full legal name could be on the diploma...YEAH.

I am not using full names because I don't think it is right to be that forth coming, but it is good news, names or no names.

I am not like my brother as much, who combats the law and gets lawyers, but I did fight this and informed the people I knew in the system at this University. We fight in different ways and the outcome comes out the way we want it.

YEAH full legal name, KESW.

Progress picture...

the eyes and toenail area are now covers in with a white glaze that will come out clear

here is the elephant


here is the face pitcher---all in Missouri straw yellow covering the white slip


here is the penguin---the eyes on the fish are now cover with a clear glaze but it looks white. also i added some clear glaze to the fish in different areas to give it a extra shine.


here is my plain pitcher---all in Missouri straw yellow then bottom half in tenmoki(redish brown to black)

the next is my bruise....the red circle is where is located...sigh...i played today and it went from a half of a dollar size to half or an orange(or grapefruit) size

The system is broken...

OK....here is my story....ready.

Graduation is coming up for me...yeah for me. BUT, there is an issue (I am graduating that is not the issue) it is my name...I was born KESW, but all documentation I have says KEW. My birth certificate is the only think that has my whole name, but this University doesn't consider it legally binding. my response WTF...my family has spend close to 100,000 dollars at this University and they won't allow me to have my full legal name on my diploma. WTF. It is not like I adding babychicka to my diploma, it is a family name and I want it. I don't want to look at my diploma in lets say 20 years and have it say KEW...THAT ISN'T MY NAME AND WILL NEVER BE MY NAME.

my mom and I are talking to people, but it isn't a guaranteed that I will be able to have my full legal name on my diploma.

::sigh::

A motto I need to live by...

Leanne Rimes- What I Cannot Change


via youtube

a lot of pictures...enjoy...take your time looking through them

here are pictures of my glazed cups:



sorry it is blurry(below)





here are my pitchers after the first firing: the white and black on the penguin is slip(base coat before glazes), the pink kind of color on one of the pitchers is without any slip








here is my glazed stacked project...video at the bottom:













video of Stacked Project